Burdens
Burdens.
Everybody has them.
They come in lots of shapes and sizes: things to do, trauma, toxins within your body, mental stress, toxic people, etc.
There are generally 2 schools of thought on dealing with burdens.
Get rid of them. Delegate, start not caring, avoid people that cause you stress, avoid situations that are uncomfortable, avoid toxins and foods that cause your body upset, etc.
Get stronger. Fortify your mind and body to deal with the burdens that are presented.
Each of these approaches definitely have their merits and can be really useful. However, they have their disadvantages too.
Avoiding all toxins can be next to impossible and lead to more mental stress by trying to create a perfect environment. Trying to avoid all people that cause you stress can leave you lonely and without help. Avoiding caring about something (that is causing harm/stress in your life) can lead to more overwhelm, toxic feelings, and resentment. Avoiding all foods you are sensitive to might be feasible for a couple months, but after a while it feels restrictive and can deprive your body of needed nutrients.
Oftentimes when women take on the “I can handle it” mentality they take on too much. I don’t know about you, but my motto for a long time was “Mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it don't matter.” But ya’ll. I did mind. My stress load and my to-do list was so massive that my body started to crumble. And the thing about trying to be stronger and do everything ourselves is it just creeps up. One “oh I can do that” turns into a zillion things before you know it.
So, what is a mom to do?
Being mentally strong and handling all the things is fine if that is an exception not a rule. Avoiding stressors is also fine for a little while, but neither strategy is a long term solution. Instead I purpose moms should avoid what is practical and fortify themselves to handle the rest.
How to decide when to avoid a task or situation verses gathering the strength to do it:
Ask yourself these questions.
What is causing the most stress in this current season of life?
What would be the consequences if I just didn’t do this thing?
If this stressor cannot be avoided (such as dishes or laundry or a job) can someone else do this for me?
What foods are causing my body the most stress? You may need an elimination diet or sensitivity test to identify food stressors.
Is it actually the task that is the problem or is it the fear associated with the task?
Do you actually want to enjoy the benefits of completing the task or joining in the situation? Will this workout help me have physical strength that will aid me in my everyday life? Will I feel connected and spiritually filled if I go to church even though it is a lot of work?
How can I reframe a situation, so I see the positive instead of just focusing on the stress?
Avoiding stressors is helpful, but not always practical.
Reframing the situation and just focusing on the positives has been very helpful for me.
Gratitude has also been very helpful. I would have always SAID I was grateful for everything, but I never really took the time to really count my blessings and meditate upon the people, things, and situations in my life that have shaped me until the last year or so. I would always thank God for certain things in my prayers, but I had gotten in the habit of just autopilot thanking Him and without the element of writing I would often get distracted. Writing out my gratitude and thanking God for all the things and situations in my life has been very helpful. The goal is to write 5 things I am Thankful for every morning. When that doesn’t happen (as it goes with busy mom life), I just think about my gratitude. Might even say it out loud if possible. Writing and/or thinking about what I am grateful for is such a simple practice with amazing benefits! What a difference it has made! I have a better attitude and more peace!
Another helpful tool to “gird your loins”, if you will, is to mediate.
I know, I know… “I can’t sit in a corner crossed legged for an hour and just do nothing, but clear my mind. I have kids/work/husband/house”. Or the practice might feel anti Christian to you and just something Buddhist do. I encourage you to challenge both of those thoughts.
The “I can’t ….”
I hear you. My schedule is jammed packed, too. So, my goal is one minute. I sit (or stand or squat or walk) and focus on God’s peace flowing in and out of me. I try to do this each morning and throughout the day. I do this in peaceful times and moments of stress. It really helps my inner calm, so I can do the things I must do. This leads me to…
Mediating might feel non-Christian. Yes, it is more well known for being a Buddhist practice, however, the idea is definitely in the Bible. We are to meditate upon God’s words and promises. To mediate just means focused thinking on one topic. It can look however you like as far as posture.
Do you have a gratitude or meditation practice? I would love to hear about it!
Please join me over at the De-Stress Re-Health Facebook page and over on Instagram at balance_w_caitlin.
